Pom pom, here we go.

I would want to save you all from some longish explanation about why I haven't written any Blabs for so long, but I'd be going against myself if I didn't try and justify and rationalize what I have done - or not done. I'm just that kind of Gnug, wanting to do an apologia on everything I do, making sure that no one misunderstands me.

I wonder if there's a name for that? A mortal fear of being misunderstood, and, I guess ultimately, disliked?

Anyways, the explanations are going to come along the way. The lovely thing about a Blab, I have realized, is that I have the freedom to do just about whatever I want in terms of structure, contents and execution. Right now, for instance, I feel like describing the ice cream I had yesterday: It was good, nay, great. Yummie delight with nougat, nuts and chocolate crispy stuff.

The above exercise may be a pointless one, but it is as much to demonstrate the freedom of the Blab form as it is manifesting this freedom to myself, for that freedom pretty much disappeared from me for a while - that is to say, around three years. I felt I had to write something that could be likened to an academic essay each time I tried to start on a Blab. I have since had to learn not to let my education screw up my learning process. (Yes, that quote is from someone else.)

So what has happened in the time I have been silent? Well, I haven't been silent, for one. I have been yakking my butt off to people all around the place. Even in writing, but I have found it quite tiresome to try to live up to some new standards that somehow found their way into my head. I would be much too critical of my own work and end up being the architect of my own writer's block.

Also, the world has been going to hell, and at a faster pace than usual. However, it never quite seems to make it all the way to hell. This is a good thing, and one that gives me the hope that things will probably never go totally bad.

The last Blab I wrote was actually about one of those above mentioned 'hell-bound' kind of events, namely the terrorist attack on WTC in NY. The emotions were hovering high and long over that one, but now, at least to me, they have been replaced by a bad taste in my mouth.

The emotions and sympathy of that event have been exploited and sucked dry by politicians working only for themselves.

I don't quite believe in the evil and selfishness of humans that we sometimes think we see, but where politicians such as these might not be wholly evil or selfish, they may be misguided, lost in the games of smoke and mirrors that politics can be, and also the instinctive ability to rationalize and justify our choices and actions that humans have.

The funny thing about all this is that it is quite a paradox. What comes first, the belief or the justification of the basics of that belief? It is a mish-mash of processes in the mind's inner workings brought on by the incredible complexity of the personal self. Nothing is as simple as many people try to make it. The world is not black and white, and never really was, even in the days of Chaplin.

I am not going to re-read or re-write my Blab from back then, because what I wrote back then was true for me at the time. I meant everything I said at the time and it was based on what I felt at the time. I won't even bother to check if I have changed my mind since. It wouldn't do me much good, anyway.

What I do remember is that I felt a loathing towards the conviction some people have that other people's lives aren't worth all that much. I have come to my own conclusion that I can't really find any absolute truth in life, but by logical reasoning I have agreed with myself that if there is anything holy in this world, it has to be the lives of the people in it.

So, putting it simply: No more killing, ok?

Good, glad we got that settled. Now, moving on to other matters, seamlessly, for this is a Blab and I'm allowed to do that! Muhahaha!

We have had a recent resurgence of TA interest in #Gnug. A lot of the regulars have started playing again, and some newcomers have started frequenting the channel.

So where am I in all this? I'll tell you where I am: I'm behind an eeeevil external router, which is being so bloody annoying that I cannot play TA online at all! I am relegated to watching demos of the games played by others, and giving the occasional advice to others.

Am I pissed about it? Very. Do I want to play TA? Badly. Can I do anything about it? I can piss and moan to the IT guys, if only I could get a hold of them. Raaaaaaaaaa!!!!

So how are people playing nowadays? It's hard to say, really. Half of the players I have been watching are old rusters, and the other half are players that weren't all that experienced to begin with, and even some newcomers to the game. One thing is certain, though; the new guys are learning, fast, and the oldies are beating the rust off with every game that is played.

I have had the pleasure of playing the role as a backseat commander, watching all the mistakes made by everyone from my quasi-omniscient position as watcher. By now I must have pointed out that just about everyone in #Gnug sucks at TA in some way or other, or at least has made some huge blunders in their game. If I ever got playing again, I have a feeling that I might be a sought after target and be the attention of many other backseat commanders wanting to point out the excessive boiling that I would certainly be presenting after having had some three odd years to gather rust in.

Still, I feel that I'm not a total lost cause, and, having watched many demos, that I could be a somewhat valuable player, knowing a lot about what works and doesn't in contemporary TA.

I have also felt my fingers buzzing from a desire to take over someone's game in various recordings, confident that I could do better in the situation. But ah well, I should know by now how mentally bogged down you can become in TA, feeling that making an effort wouldn't make much of a difference or that you're on top of the game and just need to drive the game home. Sometimes you just sort of stop playing, feeling the task of getting back in charge of it all would be too monumental.

Actually, now I would like to elaborate further on the point about not killing anyone further up. Now, if you feel that this is confusing and unstructured, I refer once again to the fact that this is a Blab. This is boiling at a highly advanced stage, so beware the befuddlements. Also, the power vested in my by the Blab form allows me to be a neologist, of sorts. I can make words up as I go and there's nothing you can do about it!

But as I was saying, about not killing anyone, I feel that people today are still way too good of devaluing other people's lives, justifying their deaths by somehow placing them below themselves.

How is it that people can come to the conclusion that they have some special insight into the greater scheme of things and know of some truth that is beyond other, since they apparently do not share that same insight, and let this conclusion rule over the lives of other people?

Knowing of some absolute truth is an illusion. It is belief, not knowledge - and nothing bad about that, but why do some people just feel it necessary to reassure their own belief in their illusion so hard that they are willing to kill for it, as if the finality and permanence of death is the only thing that can validate their faith or make their illusion into reality?

Using the word 'illusion' in this context might be a bit off the mark, and it may even offend certain people. But I don't feel it's a bad idea to use the word, making it into a representative for ones faith, whatever it might be, signaling that it is indeed something that is believed in and not known or perceived by ones senses.

Show me a truth that I cannot deny, I feel like saying.

Enough Blabbing for now.

Gnug215